Saying Goodbye To A Friend

I lost a friend today.

I've known Peter for over twelve years. I knew him as Peter Jackson and first met him on a new thing called Twitter all those years ago.

It was actually my wife who first knew him and he sort of just became part of our lives as he joined in with our friends and family.

He lived in Winnipeg but he grew up in Montreal. We formed our bond together as he made comments about my biking excursions with my children along the Lachine canal. That's where he went biking with his dad.

I first met Peter and Nancy in the flesh when I had to got to a meeting in Winnipeg. I had an extra night layover so Peter thought it would be a great idea if he picked up this strange man and introduce him to his wife. Of course we had to go to the Forks and enjoy that wonderful dessert together.

Peter was a big man, in heart as well as body. His generosity was known from coast to coast as he touched people all around the world. Peter had friends all along his various trucking routes. He loved people and he loved being a part of their lives.

When Peter went back to trucking we got to see him often in Montreal. I have no idea how Bar-b-barn is going to stay afloat without him. That man loved his ribs.

He managed to bring Nancy a few times to visit with everyone in Montreal. By now he had a whole gaggle of friends here. We all loved him and he made us all feel important and special. Peter and Nancy had become part of the family.

Then there was the time that Peter convinced my wife and me to drive to Winnipeg to surprise Nancy. I have no idea how we managed to keep it from her but we did. You never really know a person until you see them in the security of their home. We also got to try Nancy's homemade ribs which puts Bar-b-barn to shame. I have no idea why Peter would have ever eaten ribs anywhere else.

Then we got the news. It wasn't devastating to us at the time because our little Church had experienced many different people being healed from that ugly disease. But we had no idea the battle we were in for.

We prayed at every prayer meeting. I encouraged everyone to keep fighting. My wife and I prayed every night for him. We prayed over the phone. We sent messages. We sent videos. We made declarations. We believed and we trusted.

To tell you what kind of man Peter was, during one of my last phone calls with him I told Peter I would pray with him. As soon as I was finished he said "Now it's my turn" and he started praying over me. This man dying of cancer couldn't stop himself from encouraging others.

We knew though that there were a lot of things stirring beneath the surface. He called home one day while I was out and he spoke to my wife. He asked about all the children, the weather, the church. She got the impression that Peter felt alone and just wanted to talk so she let him talk for as long as he wanted to.

He loved telling me of the Lord's provision. They had prayed about the car loan and the next week they received an unexpected cheque that covered the entire loan. They prayed for the mortgage as well. A couple of weeks ago he was so excited because provision was coming in from everywhere. He told me in one week they had received over $2000 in grocery cards. It seemed to recharge his batteries.

I would tease Peter about wheelchair races. He was a bit mischievous. One week I called he had been in bed for over four weeks. I told him he had better start getting up, that we had to get those wheelchair races going. I didn't know it but the doctor was in the room so Peter turned to the doctor and asked when he could start the wheelchair races. The doctor was confused at first but after he clued in he told Peter not this week but maybe next. 

It began to look like Peter wasn't going to be healed but we persisted in our faith. Peter believed and so we stood with him in his faith. I figured if king David could do it for his baby son then I could do it for my good friend. But Nancy was sounding tired. She told me she released him, that if he wanted to go to be with the Lord, who he loved, that it was okay. But Peter was his own man and refused.

I am convinced that Peter fought as hard as he did because he loved his wife. The easiest thing would be to let go and arrive in the place we long for. The hardest thing would be to stay and fight, experiencing all the pain and suffering that he did. He chose to fight because he loved Nancy and did not want to leave her alone. He knew how hard it would be. It was love that kept him here as long as it did. I can understand that and, for me, it spoke even louder of his generosity.

I got the call from Nancy this morning to say he was gone. It ripped the heart out of me, not for me but for Nancy. "I don't know how I will live without him", she said to me. No, I can't imagine how she will either. But she will, because Jesus will see that she does. We can't see it right now, but it's going to be brilliant. We will all continue on with Peter but his place will always remain empty in our lives. The older we live the more empty places we carry.

I went out for a walk this morning to reflect on this relationship and process the news. When I got home I told my wife that the world feels different today. She agreed. 

Sigh

Peter, I love you man. I'm going to miss you and all the encouraging moments we would have shared. Goodbye my friend. We'll see you soon. Thank you for the privilege of calling you friend.

What The Rain Does To Me

 I was out walking my dog a couple of nights ago when I was surprised by rain. It wasn’t in the forecast and it was too dark to see the type of clouds overhead so I did not venture out expecting it. 

At first it was like “Ugh” because it was not a warm night and I had not brought a jacket. But I realized I actually didn’t mind it. In fact, I was surprised that I was enjoying it. There was a strange sense of groundedness that it gave. So I went with that feeling and decided to explore the explanation.

Lately, things have seemed a bit chaotic, out of control. The pandemic has made everything a little more complicated and there is that subconscious stress that I keep talking about. We are in control of our waking conscious thinking but we are not always aware or in control of what is beneath the surface. This may become more evident as we get back to the routine of school, realizing that this routine is very different from what we have known in the past.

Let’s face it, if we have any routines none of them are what they used to be. This causes more stress than you may be aware of. It gives a false sense of having no control.

Then there is the rain.

There are things we can control and there are things we cannot. I can control when I go to sleep but I can’t control tomorrow’s weather. I can control what I eat but I can’t control my Prime Minister’s decisions. I can control what I watch but I can’t control the content of the news. I can control the thoughts I dwell on but I can’t control what my neighbour says and does.

Did you notice something there? I can control myself but I can’t control you. I can control myself but I can’t control the world. I can control myself but I cannot control the politics. I can control myself but I can’t control the weather. The only thing I have any authority to control is myself.

So that is what the rain is doing to me, grounding me in the reality of my Father’s creation. There is nothing I can do to stop the rain. The rain is something my Father put into motion. There is nothing I can do to stop the sun from rising in the morning. This too is something my Father put into motion. There is nothing I can do to stop him from loving me, from being with me, from desiring me, from believing in me. This is something he put in motion when he said “Let there be light” and he has not looked back since and the proof of it is found on the cross.

This world might look like it is out of control but none of it comes as a surprise to my Father. He was aware before I was born and he planted things in my path that I will need in every step of my journey. He knew it all and he planned for it. But I must exercise control over me, take my eyes off the problem and discover the solution he planted before I was born and that he has made available to me now. He doesn’t make it easy but he does make it simple. I just need to look for the things of the Kingdom.

In every dark moment, I am to turn from the darkness and find that gold nugget, that glimmer of light. All good things are from above so in the dark we look for the good things, the positives and there we will find him and our encouragement. We will find the treasures, the hope, the joy, the things to celebrate and lift up.

Face it, anyone can see the dark. It does not take any discernment to see the negative, the hopeless, the decay, the loss. It takes a heart determined to seek our Father and the things of the Kingdom to discern what the darkness tries to hide : hope! Let those who have ears to hear, hear. Let those who have eyes to see, see.

So this is what the rain does for me, it reminds me that the things I do not have the authority to control are in the hands of my Father. He’s in charge and I am glad he is. So I will control what is mine to control, and I will use that to chase after the things of the Kingdom, even, or maybe especially, in the dark.