Saying Goodbye To A Friend

I lost a friend today.

I've known Peter for over twelve years. I knew him as Peter Jackson and first met him on a new thing called Twitter all those years ago.

It was actually my wife who first knew him and he sort of just became part of our lives as he joined in with our friends and family.

He lived in Winnipeg but he grew up in Montreal. We formed our bond together as he made comments about my biking excursions with my children along the Lachine canal. That's where he went biking with his dad.

I first met Peter and Nancy in the flesh when I had to got to a meeting in Winnipeg. I had an extra night layover so Peter thought it would be a great idea if he picked up this strange man and introduce him to his wife. Of course we had to go to the Forks and enjoy that wonderful dessert together.

Peter was a big man, in heart as well as body. His generosity was known from coast to coast as he touched people all around the world. Peter had friends all along his various trucking routes. He loved people and he loved being a part of their lives.

When Peter went back to trucking we got to see him often in Montreal. I have no idea how Bar-b-barn is going to stay afloat without him. That man loved his ribs.

He managed to bring Nancy a few times to visit with everyone in Montreal. By now he had a whole gaggle of friends here. We all loved him and he made us all feel important and special. Peter and Nancy had become part of the family.

Then there was the time that Peter convinced my wife and me to drive to Winnipeg to surprise Nancy. I have no idea how we managed to keep it from her but we did. You never really know a person until you see them in the security of their home. We also got to try Nancy's homemade ribs which puts Bar-b-barn to shame. I have no idea why Peter would have ever eaten ribs anywhere else.

Then we got the news. It wasn't devastating to us at the time because our little Church had experienced many different people being healed from that ugly disease. But we had no idea the battle we were in for.

We prayed at every prayer meeting. I encouraged everyone to keep fighting. My wife and I prayed every night for him. We prayed over the phone. We sent messages. We sent videos. We made declarations. We believed and we trusted.

To tell you what kind of man Peter was, during one of my last phone calls with him I told Peter I would pray with him. As soon as I was finished he said "Now it's my turn" and he started praying over me. This man dying of cancer couldn't stop himself from encouraging others.

We knew though that there were a lot of things stirring beneath the surface. He called home one day while I was out and he spoke to my wife. He asked about all the children, the weather, the church. She got the impression that Peter felt alone and just wanted to talk so she let him talk for as long as he wanted to.

He loved telling me of the Lord's provision. They had prayed about the car loan and the next week they received an unexpected cheque that covered the entire loan. They prayed for the mortgage as well. A couple of weeks ago he was so excited because provision was coming in from everywhere. He told me in one week they had received over $2000 in grocery cards. It seemed to recharge his batteries.

I would tease Peter about wheelchair races. He was a bit mischievous. One week I called he had been in bed for over four weeks. I told him he had better start getting up, that we had to get those wheelchair races going. I didn't know it but the doctor was in the room so Peter turned to the doctor and asked when he could start the wheelchair races. The doctor was confused at first but after he clued in he told Peter not this week but maybe next. 

It began to look like Peter wasn't going to be healed but we persisted in our faith. Peter believed and so we stood with him in his faith. I figured if king David could do it for his baby son then I could do it for my good friend. But Nancy was sounding tired. She told me she released him, that if he wanted to go to be with the Lord, who he loved, that it was okay. But Peter was his own man and refused.

I am convinced that Peter fought as hard as he did because he loved his wife. The easiest thing would be to let go and arrive in the place we long for. The hardest thing would be to stay and fight, experiencing all the pain and suffering that he did. He chose to fight because he loved Nancy and did not want to leave her alone. He knew how hard it would be. It was love that kept him here as long as it did. I can understand that and, for me, it spoke even louder of his generosity.

I got the call from Nancy this morning to say he was gone. It ripped the heart out of me, not for me but for Nancy. "I don't know how I will live without him", she said to me. No, I can't imagine how she will either. But she will, because Jesus will see that she does. We can't see it right now, but it's going to be brilliant. We will all continue on with Peter but his place will always remain empty in our lives. The older we live the more empty places we carry.

I went out for a walk this morning to reflect on this relationship and process the news. When I got home I told my wife that the world feels different today. She agreed. 

Sigh

Peter, I love you man. I'm going to miss you and all the encouraging moments we would have shared. Goodbye my friend. We'll see you soon. Thank you for the privilege of calling you friend.

Healing, Restoration and Duty

Do you ever get overwhelmed to the point you just have to get away? It could be physical exhaustion but often times it is when we are mentally or emotionally exhausted. Many people turn to something so familiar that they don't have to think about it. Perhaps they clean the house or do some yard work. For me it was always yard work. There was something about getting outside and getting my hands dirty. My reaction to overwhelming mental or emotional fatigue was always a physical response, to get my body busy and tired. This is what I imagine Peter was doing when he decided to go fishing.

Poor Peter.

What a roller coaster ride he had been on. One minute he was on top of the world, by Jesus' side, pledging to stand with him no matter what comes their way. Then he was thrown into complete confusion. When the hour had come he was there as he said he would be, to defend the Master. But Jesus didn't want to be defended. Jesus told him to stop, to put the sword away. He was totally confused. What was he suppose to do? He didn't know, so he ran as fast as he could, like the others.

It was in that confusion, not knowing what was happening and what he was suppose to do, that he did the unthinkable. He actually denied knowing Jesus. He turned his back on him instead of standing with him. He made a fool of them all by demonstrating a lack of love and loyalty to Jesus. What despair overwhelmed him. What bitterness gripped his heart. The tears would not stop flowing from his remorse.

Then the news came that he was dead. The Romans had crucified him. The news was like a knife piercing his heart. Somehow he managed to find the others. Somehow they managed to hide away. But they were so afraid. Would they be next? Would a fist come pounding on the door? The fear and despair, confusion and lostness was blinding to heart, mind and spirit.

And then he was there.

Standing right there in front of them, as if nothing had happened. He was different but yet the same. There was no doubt it was him. Peter's head would have been dizzy with confusion. Jesus was alive but not like before. He was more than before. But Peter was still overwhelmed by shame. How could he face Jesus after what he had done?

So what did Peter do to handle all this confusion of emotions? He returned to what was familiar to him which gives us an interesting situation. Peter needed to be restored. He needed forgiveness. So what better opportunity to give Peter what was needed then to do it in the same place where it all began: in a fishing boat, upon the water.

When Jesus called Peter to join him, he had convinced Peter to go back out and try fishing again, after an unsuccessful night of fishing. He told Peter to fish on the other side of the boat. Peter did and caught a huge catch. Then Jesus told him to follow him and he would make him a fisher of men.

Now here they were in a similar situation. Peter did not recognize Jesus and either did the other disciples but they listened when this stranger told them to try the other side. They did and it was a huge catch. It was as these events repeated themselves that Peter recognized Jesus and it was there on that beach that he was restored.

Jesus gave Peter one opportunity to declare his love for every time Peter had denied that love. Along with the restoration Jesus charged Peter with the responsibility to teach what he had been taught. It is one of the most moving parts of the Resurrection event. It speaks to our own need for restoration. It gives us hope that when we are overwhelmed and try to run away that our God will meet us in that place and call us to him. But there is a point to note here.

It is great that our Lord Jesus loves us and meets us in our needs. It is great that he comforts us, strengthens us and sets us back on our feet. It is fantastic that he forgives us when we turn our back on him instead of running to him. It is wonderful that he understands what happens to us when we get overwhelmed. But he does more than this. He also reminds us of our responsibilities, our duties, our calling.

There is more to it than Jesus helping us cope with life and the challenges we face. There is more to it than God wanting us to have joy. God wants us healthy and well spiritually so we can get back to work. We are workers and we are not of much use if we are sitting on the sidelines licking our wounds. Jesus restored Peter because there needed to be repair in that relationship but also so that Peter could take up his responsibility.

Perhaps you have been wounded and Jesus has been there to help you back on your feet but did you understand all of the restoration? Did you hear his call to return to your duties? Did you hear him charge you again with your responsibilities? So you messed up, that doesn't mean you are let off the hook. God's grace is wonderful and with forgiveness comes full restoration. So stop with the fishing already and get back to what God has given you to do.


** read about Peter's restoration in John 21

The Awkwardness Of Saturday

Silence.

That's the awkwardness of Saturday.

Silence.

It's amazing how much can change with a blink of time. Only a couple of days ago Jesus was teaching in the temple. Now he lies buried in a borrowed tomb.

On this Sabbath day, the disciples will not gather to worship and pray.

     They will not participate with Jesus in any healings, feedings, teachings, or anything else.

On this Sabbath day the Messiah, the King, the Son of God lay in a tomb.

Silence.

The only thing the disciples will do today is try to find each other.

     Try to to stop from weeping.

     Try to console themselves that they had no choice.

          They had to run away.

          Jesus wouldn't let them fight for him.

Poor Peter.

     "I will never deny you Lord."

     "Even if I must die, I will never leave you."

Poor Peter. A broken man.

They did not know what we know now. They had no idea what follows the awkward silence. They could not even imagine, even though Jesus had made it plain to them.

For them, today is a horrible day.

     A broken day.

     A hopeless day.

     A dark day.

     A silent day.

Funny how even the Word of God is silent on this awkward day.

Resurrection Day : What's In A Name

(re-post)

Try to imagine what it must have been like for the disciples of Jesus, now a few days after his death. In the last three years their whole life had become the Master; their purpose for living, for waking every morning, for everything they did in a day. He was their hope, their promise, their future. They left everything for him, even when their friends and relatives thought them to be mad, but how could they resist him? How could they say no? And now he was dead.

They were holed up behind a locked door in a small room, anticipating a pounding fist on the door at any minute from the soldiers as they tracked them down. It was only a matter of time. They would track them all down, if it took them a lifetime to do it, just to get rid of the Master's name. The smell of fear was mixed with grief and despondency. Imagine what it must have been like in that room with the Master dead and no hope for tomorrow.

Imagine as well how they must have jumped out of their skin as suddenly fists began to pound on the door. Only it wasn't  soldiers; it was the women. Confusion. Panic. The sound of your heart pounding in your ears.

The door is opened and the women almost tumble in. Something is wrong. The colour is drained from Mary's face. Her voice is barely audible, yet they all heard her words.

"They've taken him."

The sound and meaning of the words are not long in registering but the feet are slow to react. What was that about an angel? Everyone looks to each other. What are they to do?

It only takes two heart beats before John takes action. And quick on his heels is Peter. I wonder what they thought as they ran. Perhaps it was pure emotions as rage took over. It had to be something strong to bring them out of hiding like this. Mary said the tomb is open.

John was the better runner, reaching the tomb before Peter. He was the youngest of the group. But Peter wasn't doing too bad for an old man. Sure enough, the stone was rolled to one side. Something held John back. He stood at the entrance and peered into the dark, straining to see anything in the early morning light. His heart was racing and it probably wasn't from the running.

Peter arrived but he did not slow down at the entrance, brushing past John and only stopping when he hit the back wall of the tomb. The only sound was the panting of the two men as they gasped for air, sucking it into their bodies through clinched teeth.

The body was gone.

Just as the women had said, he was gone. The grave clothes were there, looking odd in their placement. The linens that wrapped the body lay there as if someone had somehow sucked the body out. And over in the corner, the grave clothes, the one that covers the head, were neatly folded. Who would have done this? It didn't look like the work of any soldiers.

Peter and John left the tomb, disturbed at what they have found. They walked slowly back without saying a word. Bewildered. Angry. Despondent. Fearful. But mostly lost. They walked past Mary with no acknowledgement of her presence. These were just shells of men brushing past her, so different from who they were just a few days ago. Their purpose for living was gone. And those filthy Pharisees couldn't even leave his body alone.

Mary stood outside of the tomb and watched them go. What was to become of them? How could they go on? And now even his body was taken from them? A wave of grief overcame Mary and she collapsed in a heap of flesh and tears. She could hold it back no longer as a great cry of wailing tore itself from her throat.

Who knows how long she remained there but eventually everything grew quiet again. Had she fallen asleep?

Mary sat up with a start. Was that the sound of rustling she heard in the tomb? Were the robbers back? How did they get past her without her noticing? Perhaps she had fallen asleep? But now rage filled her body, along with a twinge of fear, but mostly rage at the thought that they had come back. She picked herself up from the ground  and carefully peered into the tomb.

At first she couldn't see anything. The sun was much brighter now and the contrast between the bright sun and the dark tomb was too much. She stuck her head further into the dark of the tomb. Her eyes began to adjust.

She gasped.

There, sitting at the head and the foot of the linens sat two angels. Mary blinked. They were still there. She pinched herself. They were still there. They were smiling at her. She felt faint. She refused to give into her body and held tighter to the wall of the tomb.

“Woman, why are you crying?”

They had spoken. Angels were speaking to her. She answered without much thought to what she was saying. It was automatic.

“They have taken my Lord away, and I don’t know where they have put him.”

The wave of grief that came over her almost dropped her to her knees again. Angels or not she could not handle any more of this. She quickly turned to leave and let out a small shriek of fright. A man was standing behind her. The gardener she supposed. A quiet one. He looked at her, concerned. There was such compassion in his eyes.

“Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

The thought suddenly flashed through her mind. This was the gardener? If anyone knows where the body has gone he would know.

“Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

Why was he smiling at her like that? Did she know him? Was he playing some kind of game with her? She felt like her whole world was crashing down on her. Any second now she was going to run off crying again.

"Mary."

What?

Could it be?

At the sound of her name spoken from those precious lips her head exploded with a million different colours. The whole world turned sideways and started to spin. She couldn't breathe. She literally could not breathe. Even her heart had stopped knowing how to work.

As she dropped to her knees yet again she heard her own voice cry out, "Rabonni!" It was him. It was the Teacher. The Master. It was Jesus!

She brushed the impossibility aside as she reached out to grasp his legs. But he stepped back. Out of reach. Her great tears of joy stopped and she looked up at him in confusion. Was she mistaken? Was this not Jesus? No, it was him. She could see it clearly now in his eyes and smile. And how could she ever mistake the way he said her name. Her name pronounced on those beautiful lips. She thought she would never hear such a wonderful thing again in all her life. But why was he moving away from her?

“Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

She did not understand much but she did understand this: the Teacher needed her again. She quickly jumped to her feet and ran as fast as her body would carry her. She felt alive again. Excitement flowed from the top of her head to the soles of her pounding feet. Her mind swam with a thousand thoughts but one was greater than all the rest:

"He's alive!"

Where Are The Dreams And Visions?

We live in a special and blessed age, a time that the prophets could only desire to see, a time when God has poured out his Spirit upon his people. No longer has God limited himself to priests and prophets as he has called all of his children as ministers. The prophet Joel recorded God as saying of this age:

And afterward, 
   I will pour out my Spirit on all people. 
Your sons and daughters will prophesy, 
   your old men will dream dreams,    your young men will see visions. (Joel 2:28)

But where are the dreams and visions of this age? Have you had any lately? Where is the inspiration of the Spirit of God that is suppose to encourage and fortify us? We can look at the recorded history of Peter and Paul in the book of Acts and we see the place of visions as God taught and directed these men. But such wonderful things are not limited to history and a couple of unique leaders. No, the Word says that God has poured out his Spirit on all people.

I am convinced that the problem rests with our receptors. God is speaking to us but there is so much noise we have allowed in our lives that we can't really hear him. We have a lack of vision and dreams because our minds are clogged with daily worries and fears. Remember the parable Jesus told of the various soils? He was referring to the the various conditions of our heart and how it makes it hard for us to received and to be changed. The one that has always gotten me is where the weeds choked out the plant before it could grow. This is the truth of the matter for many of us.

Jesus saved us from everything in this world, including all worries and fears that act to choke out God's blessings. Do you remember what he said about this place and our relationship with it?

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Maybe you should read this through a few times to allow it to sink in. Jesus has given us his peace and promised to never take it away from us. We only lose this peace when we allow the things of this world to overwhelm us which is a silly thing considering that Jesus said he has overcome this world. Do you believe him? He said we will have trouble here but we are to take heart, be encouraged, because he has overcome it all. Peace is ours in every situation because of Jesus and in this state of peace the Spirit of God moves. But do we believe?

In this age we have practically no evidence of God over our lives because we are too busy with the noise of this world. We fill our days with meaningless activities and words. We are distracted in such a major way that the voice of God comes across as background noise and is almost impossible to hear over everything else. If we really want to hear from God, to gain those dreams and visions again, we have to get rid of the noise.

You don`t have to get rid of the noise. Maybe you are happy where you are and don`t really have a desire to be taught and directed by God. You can continue in your mediocracy if you wish but it will not please our Father as he told us he requires our full love and attention. He wants all of our heart, not a piece of it. However, if you desire such a relationship with God in which you are a recipient of his teaching and guidance through dreams and visions, it will cost us this world. We can't have both, Jesus said so. We have to decide who we love and who we will serve and then serve with all of our heart. It really comes down to what or who you love more. At the beginning of this new year it is a good time to ask yourself what or who will receive your time and attention?