Why We All Need Friends

The one thing that most people are desperate to possess is good friends. It is the reason television shows like "Friends" and "Big Bang Theory" are so popular and even attract Christians to be entertained by sin, because they depict the friendships we long to have. The fact is we need friends because we are not meant to be alone. We were created with the need for family and community.

In Corinthians 12 we find the vision of the Church, the Body of Christ. Not a thing divided but something of beauty with unity at its core. It is described as the many parts of the body, dependent on each other in order to function. We need each other because none of us possess everything we need. Friends, family, fellow believers lend of themselves to us and we lend of ourselves to them. When Jesus is the central figure of all relationships beautiful things are produced.

It doesn't mean that all friendships will be smooth. Even that truth is reflected in the crude humour of television shows, but when Jesus is at the center of it all, it is his love that glues us together. That is why apostle Paul goes from 1 Corinthians 12 to 1 Corinthians 13, because unity of the Body is only possible by the love of Jesus. We just don't have that right type of love to keep it going because in the natural we are abusers of people. We take what we want and we give very little back. When Jesus has authority in the relationship, be it friendship, family or marriage, service to one another is the foundation.

There is a tiny passage in Scriptures that has always stood out for me as a reminder of the importance of friendship. It was during the time of judges when everyone was doing what they thought was best; a time when Yahweh was only considered in hard times. We read:

So the five men departed and went to Laish. They saw the people who were there, how they dwelt safely, in the manner of the Sidonians, quiet and secure. There were no rulers in the land who might put them to shame for anything. They were far from the Sidonians, and they had no ties with anyone. (Judges 18:7)

Laish was a quiet, peaceful city with no close neighbours. They kept to themselves and never bothered anyone. What stands out is that they had no ties with anyone. It reflects a lot of attitudes I see today, people keeping people at a distance. They don't want anyone involved in their business and they don't bother with anyone else's. Live and let live. This city also had no rulers, no one to correct them, no one to whom to be accountable. And, as it turned out, no one to help them when they needed help. They were easy targets and easy to defeat, as are so many Christians today who do not understand the importance of the Body, of friendship, of accountability.

Friends protect us, even if that protection comes in the form of correction. We hear the slogans "Friends don't let friends drive drunk", but what if the drunk has no friends, no one who cares enough to say no? What about us? Some people see independence as a strong character but such independence makes a person weak, vulnerable, easy to defeat. We need friends with whom we can be honest. We need to be vulnerable and open to people who trust us and who we can trust. We need friends who put Jesus at the center of the relationship. We need friends who have our back and who we love enough to protect with our life if need be.

We were not created to be an island, to live in isolation, to be without accountability. We were created for the purpose of others, for community, for family. The Body of Christ is not a community as much as it is family. Many used to call themselves "brother" and "sister" as a reminder of that relationship. Such an attitude is not always easy but it needs to be important enough for us to work at it. Scripture says that friendship with the world will lead to our spiritual and eternal death so we need to look to our fellow believers and start building alliances before the enemy picks us off as an easy target. You can't sit back and wait for people to come to you. You need to step out and offer your hand in friendship and start building good alliances with Jesus at the center of it all.

What Will You Consider Success When You are Eighty Years Old?

I have been involved in a lot of things over the years as a pastor and the church I head up is not what we would call conventional. We meet each Sunday in a coffee shop with strangers coming and going, sometimes stopping in for a listen. The project of the coffee shop slash pizza parlor is a strange one but I get to meet some very interesting characters; characters who would never dream of stepping inside a church and who only know the name of Jesus as a curse word. Very few would imagine themselves being served coffee, pizza, sandwiches or ice cream by a pastor. I love it.

Most of these characters lead a tragic life (not in their eyes), so far removed from the truth of life that it astounds me. One gentleman I speak with every morning is visiting from out of the country. We touched on the subject of friendship yesterday. This man, who is close to eighty years of age (looks more like 60) confessed to me that he has no friends. He is a retired self-made business man who doesn't believe in God, or so he says. He has had sexual relationships with hundreds of women but says he has no friends and he sits there jealous of my large family and all the friends I have. I told him the difference is Jesus.

What is crazy for me is that this dear soul believes in re-incarnation but refuses to believe in a Father who loves him enough to pursue him. The difficulty, the wall that has been built up, is one of independence. This man, and many like him, do not want to be accountable to anyone. They want no one to take credit for their life or to hold them accountable for what they do with it, yet so many of them end up empty with a worthless life, no purpose, no reason, no love, no friends.

As this gentleman and I talked I shared my testimony and spoke of the many things God had brought me through. He was amazed to discover how much we had in common except for the foundation on which my life was built upon. He kept repeating that I had accomplished so much because I had confidence in myself and I kept correcting him, that my confidence was in Jesus and the promises he gave me. I told him I had done all that was done by the strength I have in Jesus. He struggled with the concept that I would rely on anything but myself. It was like we were worlds apart and I was speaking a foreign language.

Here was a man, well along in years, still searching for meaning, purpose, friendship and love, looking at me who possessed all that he desired. He had a long history of short-lived empty sexual relationships that now tasted sour to him. He could see in me what he wanted but he refused to accept how I possessed it. My heart breaks for him and I pray fervently that the Spirit will penetrate his heart with a revelation of the truth. There is still hope; he loves my coffee and is around for a few more weeks for more conversation and testimony.

So many of us look to the world and are jealous of everything that others possess yet we possess the greatest treasures. Jesus spoke the truth into our lives when he warned us:

What will you gain, if you own the whole world but destroy yourself or waste your life? (Luke 9:25)

Don't do it! Don't chase after this world with all of it's false notions of treasure, worth and importance. Don't waste or throw away this precious life you have been given. There is nothing like the friendship we have with Jesus, the oneness with our King and the outpouring of our Father's love. We are already possessed by all that is important and we are given the opportunity to seed that into others. Seeding is what we do best. May it be joy, love, hope for a people who are searching in all the wrong places. May the Spirit use us mightily today to convey the hope of Jesus Christ to those who are desperate for him.

Of Friends And Enemies

The world says "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I hope your values come from a deeper place than that. I hope that your love for your friends come from a greater source. And I hope that your motivation for your enemies is much less selfish than this philosophy. But seriously, have you considered your friends lately? Are they friends because they contribute to you, because you get something from them, or because you have much to give to them? That is not saying that they don't contribute to you. In fact, it is God's desire that we contribute to each other from the resources he provides. But friendship cannot be a selfish thing.

I am not sure we really understand friendship like we once did. I could be wrong. Maybe you have friends who you love to give yourself to and who you would dearly miss if they were not around. If you have such friends then enjoy them while they are close because you may have times of separation when you will reflect on these times with fond memories, and they will be a source of encouragement. That is the sense I get as Paul writes to Timothy:

Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. (2 Timothy 1:4)

We can understand Paul's expression of longing for his friend when you keep in mind his situation. He had been cut off for a few years as he sat, imprisoned in Rome, waiting for his trial before Caesar. On top of this there had been a falling away of leadership. We read:

You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes. (2 Timothy 1:15)

At the end of the letter we read:

Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. (2 Timothy 4:9-10)

We will look at all this in detail later. It is enough to know that Paul was feeling alone and abandoned by those who he had trusted as brothers. Is it any wonder that he longed to see his friend, his son in the Lord, Timothy? He remembered the tears of his friend when they last parted. How hard it must have been for Paul who had given up everything in obedience to Jesus.

I don't think many of us can appreciate this sense of separation from those we love. Certainly there are times when we are separated from family and friends but we know we will see each other again. Perhaps the ones who can identify with Paul the most are those who leave family and friends to serve the Lord in dangerous places in this world. They leave all they know behind and have no assurance they will ever make it back. Try to imagine that feeling.

My point is, many of us do not have friends like this.We have friends but do we have friends who love us so much that there are tears at our parting? Do we give of ourselves to such a depth that they are like part of us? Do we think of those moments and feel that love, and long to have them close at hand? We should. That is the level of love and involvement that Jesus has brought us to, but it is our choice to let people in. We can be friends of sorts from a distance but real love risks pain and hurt. Real love is vulnerable and is prepared to be wounded. Real love takes it on the chin and refuses to keep a list.

Real love is a risk and friendship requires a vulnerability that many of us refuse to enter into. Perhaps it is the reason we are not very effective in sharing Jesus with others. We have to care enough to share. We have to love enough to take the risk. We have to love enough to open ourselves up to allow rejection. It is what Jesus did for us and then he commanded us to do the same for others.

Paul took that risk and in the end there were more `friends`who rejected him than who stood with him. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Where were all Jesus' "friends" as he hung on the cross? We must be friends to all people, investing our lives in others, taking the "risk" of complete rejection, and finding great joy in those who we have Jesus in common with. Take the risk,be a friend; it is well worth it.

Discouragement Comes When We Forget

Is it possible for a Christian to become discouraged? Absolutely, when we forget. There are a lot of things we can forget that would lead us to discouragement, even depression. We can forget God's promises, presence, love, forgiveness, mercy, grace. We can even forget that we did not choose him but he chose us.

We forget this because we think that the decision we made meant that we chose him. We forget who created us in the first place and we forget he created us for friendship with him. We forget that he has pursued us throughout time and he laid down his plans to rescue us. We forget that he chose the cross. We forget he sent the Spirit. We forget that he decided for us before the beginning of time. We forget that Jesus even told us:

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. (John 15:16)

I think Paul often reminded himself and his readers that he had not chosen this relationship and calling himself but he had been chosen:

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God. (Colossians 1:1)

This was important to remember because Paul had been a persecutor of the Church and there were many people in the world who did not want Paul to forget. I am sure there are many people in your life who do not want you to forget what you were or what you have done. The great accuser certainly doesn't want you to forget. He wants you to remain weak, pitiful and useless to God. Between yourself, other people, and the great accuser it is hard to forget. But you must forget in order to remember who chose you.

You are not a freak chance of nature; you were purposefully designed and given life. You have been called to greatness in the Kingdom of God of which you are a citizen. You are a constant companion of God, called friend by Jesus and filled by God himself. You have been pursued by Jesus who does not want to lose you. You are cherished, loved and protected.

There are other choices you can make yourself. You can chose to ignore God. You can chose to stay miserable in the darkness of your soul. You can chose to hide under the blanket of tormenting emotions. You can chose to hide behind the frailty of man's logic. You can chose to remain enslaved to things you do not even realize exist. You can make these other choices or you can accept the fact that you are chosen.

Jesus is reminding you today, to encourage you, to lift you up, that you did not choose him but he chose you. Live in that knowledge today, accepting the fact that you never face anything alone but are always in the presence of the great overcomer. He said he will never leave you or forsake you. You will never be abandoned or forgotten. You are precious. Despite how you feel, what you think, how you act, God is always pursuing your friendship. He has chosen you, and his forgiveness, mercy and grace are enough to preserve you until the day of Jesus' return. Relax, forget about everything else, enjoy the journey and enjoy Jesus.

Friendship With God

It is amazing how God has created us. In a perfect environment we can accomplish whatever we put our mind to. From the very beginning we have tried to be God, building towers to reach the heavens. We have put men on the moon, sent robots to Mars, split atoms, harnessed the power of fire, water, air and sun. Our accomplishments are long and amazing because God has created us to be amazing. Yet, we are falling short of what we could be, of what God created us to be.

There is no doubt that God created us to be industrious. When God created Adam he also created a special garden so Adam would have some work. He put him right to it, giving him the job of naming everything. We are much more content when we are working; when we have purpose. We are pretty well destroyed and reduced in spirit when there is nothing for our hands to do. As great as this realization is, it is not our ultimate purpose, the reason we were created.

God created us because he wanted friendship. I realize that this concept might be totally odd for you, after all   what goes an ant have in common with a human. Why would God what to be friends with his creation? I guess that is a question we can ask when we get home but for now we can just look at the evidence. Just consider the relationship he had with Adam as they spent time walking in the garden together. Consider his friendship with Abraham who simply chose to believe God. Consider his relationship with Moses as they worked together to bring the people to the promised land. In fact, consider anyone in the Bible who chose to take God at his word, to trust him, and who entered into that relationship of friendship.

Our greatest role is friendship with God and he invites us to join him in his work. He invites us in to fellowship with him, to walk and talk with him. The work is to keep us balanced but it is the relationship that is the focus. Our obedience in the friendship is not based on fear but love:

If you love me, you will obey what I command. (John 14:15)

We have been invited into this friendship, that we would be included in the council of God, to know his will, his mind, his plans:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)

Yes, we have accomplished and will continue to accomplish great things because it is how we were created, but the greatest thing is our friendship with God. For this reason we are able to say that our strength is not found in ourselves but in our friend. We need to stop looking at our strengths and weaknesses, putting limitations on ourselves or even over achieving and realize our dependence is on our friend. This is what we must understand every day of our life:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. (Ephesians 6:10) 

Our strength is not found in our hands, in our efforts, but in our relationship. We are to be strong in the Lord because he is our everything and his friendship matters more than anything else. It is his power that saved, rescued and invited us into this friendship. There is nothing we have done or could do to save ourselves just as there is nothing we can do to accomplish our great potential. The secret is all found in our relationship. Let's learn to walk with God in the cool of the evening and enjoy great conversation about everything. It is our true nature and purpose, to enjoy the companionship of God. Without that there will always be emptiness in us.

The Inconvenience Of People

So, you say you like people. Then why all the complaining? You say you are a people person. Do you judge that by your likes on FaceBook, followers on Twitter or messages in your inbox on Tumblr? What are you like face to face, with the people you see on the bus each morning or the classmate you sit beside but have never spoken to?

How we see and react to people in our life depends on the purpose you see for them. Are they there for your interest, just so you can get whatever you need out of them? Do you use the ones that are useful and tolerate the rest? Maybe tolerate is too generous a word. Perhaps ignore would be better.

Sometimes people are inconvenient. Sometimes they interrupt our day, our plans, our goals. Sometimes we have people in our lives who only take, they never give back, never contribute. Sometimes they smell, look bad and are total mess ups. Sometimes they are abusive, demanding beyond our ability to respond. Sometimes they are our enemy. Whatever they are to us, there is one important thing to remember: They are loved by God.

We have to rise above our perceptions, emotions and opinions of people. We have to get above our "flesh" response to people. In order for us to love our neighbour as ourself (which is God's command not a suggestion) we need to see them as God sees them to understand their worth. A good way to allow the Holy Spirit to do this in us is to cultivate a proper attitude that the Spirit can work with.

Ask yourself what great desire you have for people. You are a servant of the eternal King, a citizen of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ, left in this place that serves no king but the king of self. How are you going to serve the enemy of God, those who are in rebellion to the King, those who even refuse to acknowledge his existence? How are you going to serve such a great host of haters? Attitude matters and attitude begins with desire. What do you desire for them?

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. (Ephesians 1:17)

Our great desire should be that everyone we know would know Jesus and those who already know him would know him better. That could come in the form of teaching and preaching but the most effective way of revealing Jesus is through friendship. Can you become friends with someone who hates you? It doesn't matter their attitude to you. What matters is your attitude to them. If you saw every person you met as a friend your attitude would take a good step forward and the Spirit can use that.

Remember, you don't save anyone. The Spirit of God is responsible for salvation but he uses our actions, words, love and friendship as tools for conviction. Through us he brings conviction on the hearts of the people we invite into our lives. Our goal in such friendships should never be what we can get out of it but what we have to contribute to them. Of course, the greatest thing we have to offer is Jesus so our goal for each relationship, strong and weak, is that people would come to know Jesus.

So what are you asking God for on behalf of these people? Paul asked for wisdom and revelation for the Ephesians so they would know Jesus better. Maybe you need to stop asking God for earthly things for your friends and start asking for revelation. What greater thing to pray for a person than that they would receive a personal revelation of the love of Jesus Christ. This is what you are here for. This is the reason these people are in your life. It's time to move, live and create in that purpose. Ask the Spirit. He will provide whatever you lack for fulfilling your purpose.