How To Handle A Parent

Those of you who may be having a tough time with your parents, I have a bit of advice: Cut them some slack. I know you aren't happy right now; they've gotten after you for something or they always seem to be on your case but I want to explain something to you about them. It may not always seem it but they love you. It's just that being your parent is a heavy responsibility. They feel the entire weight of your future, of your education, of what you will become. They know the mistakes they have made and they are desperately trying to keep you from repeating them. Yes, you are your own person, different from them, but parents are not super beings, just human and you are a major focus in their life.

They want so much for you to get this right. They are honestly afraid that they haven't done a good job in the early years, like they messed up by forgetting to teach you important stuff, and now they are worried you are going to make the wrong decisions because of their mess ups. They have been the major influence in your life and now you are shifting away from them and relying more on your friends, which is a very scary thing for parents.

Maybe you can understand it if we looked at the relationship between a pastor and his congregation. His life is given for those people, in that he is there to serve them, to help with guidance and to train them to become mature Christians. He constantly prayers for them, is involved with them, is part of their lives in such major events as birth, marriage, and death. It is very hard for him when he sees other influences, negative influences pulling them away from the source of all things, Jesus, and leading them to destruction. We can see into the heart of a parent as we consider Paul's words to the Galatians:

 ¹⁷ Those people are zealous to win you over, but for no good. What they want is to alienate you from us, so that you may be zealous for them. ¹⁸It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always and not just when I am with you. ¹⁹ My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you, ²⁰ how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you! (Galatians 4:17-20)

Perplexed is a good word. There are a lot of perplexed pastors out there and a ton of perplexed parents. An experienced pastor can see all the danger signs and will do everything he can to allow God to be a stronger influence through him to keep his people from taking the wrong path. Parents often find themselves in this same position, trying to remain a strong influence in their child's life, hoping to prevent them from the wrong paths. Parents have the responsibility of training their children into mature adults.

There is no training school for parents. You can't earn a Masters degree in parenting. It is basically on the job training and good parents rely on God's guidance, allowing love to be the motivator in their actions and words. But this does not mean their hearts are not often times overwhelmed and perplexed, knowing what you have to face every day and knowing the major influences out there. They love you. They want to see you succeed in the same way that God desires our success as his children.

So if you can find the maturity to love them and forgive them despite you disagreeing with them, it would go a long way in a smooth relationship with your parents. They aren't perfect. They will make mistakes but the core of their motivation is their love for you. It may look like a strange love at times but often they just don't know how to put it in words. They are perplexed. Make things a bit better for yourself by trusting their love, listening to their advice and honouring them through obedience. It will remove their perplexity and bring some peace to the relationship. When the waters are calm you can respectively explain your perspective on the matter. You will be amazed how much they will be willing to listen. After all, they love you.

When Love Hurts

We can't live by emotions but emotions are a good gauge as to where we are with things. If you feel down it would be a good idea to examine yourself to understand why. If you are feeling angry all the time, there is an issue there somewhere. If you are feeling anxious, there is a reason for it. We can't live by these emotions but neither can we afford not to understand them. Emotions should not change our course of living but they can help us better understand how we are reacting to circumstances.

People have this notion that God removes our emotions, that all we feel all the time is love. Yet, when I read the Word of God I see all kinds of emotions in Jesus. I see excitement and pleasure, disappointment and anger, love and compassion. Jesus felt a whole range of emotions, the same ones we have all the time, yet none of it prevented him from moving forward. Not once do we hear him say, "I don't feel like it today guys" or "I'm a bit low today so I think I will stay in bed". Could you ever imagine Jesus saying, "I'm too angry with you to heal you right now"? He had our emotions but he never allowed them to keep him from doing what was right.

Paul is another great example of this. Paul was not the sort of guy who was very good at hiding his emotions. Maybe he was different in the flesh but in his writing we can see his heart all over the place. One of the places that really strikes me is in Galatians 4:

What has happened to all your joy? I can testify that, if you could have done so, you would have torn out your eyes and given them to me. Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth? (v.15-16)

I wonder if you can relate to that. Ever have a great friend who, one day, just turned around and became your enemy? If that has ever happened to you I am sure you remember the emotions that were provoked by it. There was a lot of pain, hurt, anger, disappointment, questioning, bewilderment, confusion and a bunch of other stuff. We are a relational creature; relations really matter to us. When someone we love suddenly becomes someone who hates us it is difficult to handle. For some of us the easiest solution is to simply walk away. Can you imagine Jesus or Paul doing that? Why not?

Immaturity is when we allow our emotions to dictate our actions. There are a lot of immature adults walking the streets of our cities and sitting in the pews of our churches. Maturity allows us to understand our emotions but to still make the right decision to do the right thing. The reason Jesus and Paul never walked away is because love was always the dominate motivator of their actions. For Jesus it still is and for Paul it was always Jesus' love that compelled him to take the right actions.

So understand your emotions but don't live by them. Just like the pain in your arm tells you there is something that is wrong and that it needs your attention, our emotions warn us if something is not right in us. But that pain in your arm is not going to stop you from living today and neither should your emotions. Understand your circumstances but get on with your living. Emotions change but our reason for living should remain a constant. The greatest and most important things for us to do in our living for Jesus is to love and forgive. Don't let anything interfere with your living for Jesus.

Be Like Me

The boldest people you will ever meet are those who know themselves well. They aren't perfect and they don't try to pretend they are. They have gotten to know themselves, their strengths and weaknesses, their beauty and their ugliness and they live in the boldness of that knowledge. The weakest people you will ever meet are the pretenders; the ones that work so hard not to know themselves. They avoid seeing their ugliness and they never want to admit their weaknesses. They pretend to be strong all the time.

However, life isn't always about being bold in our knowledge of self. This kind of boldness is not going to get you very far and will probably still leave you pretty messed up. You see, we are a busted creation and nothing we do will ever amount to very much. We need another ingredient added. It is not enough to know self. We have to know self but the greater ingredient is knowing Jesus. In fact, it is in knowing Jesus that we realize we are not a lost cause. We realize the greatest part about knowing self is that we know that we can't do it on our own, that we need Jesus. Those who pretend will never realize they need Jesus because they are never willing to deal with their imperfections.

It is in this sense, of knowing self and knowing how much Jesus has done in him, that allows Paul to say quite plainly:

I plead with you, brothers, become like me, for I became like you. (Galatians 4:12)

This is not like some Hollywood star saying, "Hey, copy me". It is not like some millionaire that everyone studies to see how they too can become so rich. This is a man who was forced to face his own ugliness, embrace the truth of it, and then become broken so Jesus could put him back together.

Paul was not a success according to this world but he was becoming a spiritual success. He wanted everyone to become like him, in his love for Jesus and in his dedicated and faithful service. Paul was a bold and fearless man, but not by any strength or ability he had but because of the relationship he had with Jesus Christ. Paul was no dummy and he had all the tools to become rich and successful according to this world but his only desire was to be obedient to Jesus Christ.

All of us have been called to this same boldness but the boldness begins when we realize how far short we have fallen from God's grace. When we realize how much we need Jesus and then realize everything Jesus has done for us, we gain a great boldness. We are able to realize that if God gave us his very best what good thing would he hold back from us. He has given us everything and nothing is a barrier to us. Our boldness is found in our faith just as it was found in Paul's. We trust every word ever spoken by God, every promise ever given, every teaching and instruction laid out by Jesus. We trust the direction of the Spirit and believe we are equipped and empowered (anointed) to do what Jesus told us to do.

All of us should be found in that place of being able to say "become like me" when we refer to our faith and relationship with Jesus. If we can't then we need to realize the truth of it and take steps to correct our luke-warmness. Live boldly in Jesus my friend.

When Love Fades

Have you ever had someone love you so much that they were more interested in what was good for you than in what would make you think well of them? This would be the person who would tell you quite frankly how that hat looked on you or that you were dating a loser. This would be the person more interested in your future than your past, who thought you could always do the impossible if you would try, and who always wanted you to see yourself in the best light. This would be the person who you knew to be sincere when they expressed concern for you. Perhaps their honesty was a bit much to take at times but you always turned to them when you wanted to see the truth of a situation, and then avoided them when you wanted to lie to yourself.

Apostle Paul was like that with the Galatians; he sincerely loved them and he was sincerely concerned for them. Something had happened to them. Something had interrupted their faith. They had started off well, were sincere in their love of God and in their faith in him. They had tasted of his goodness, power and glory but now something was dragging them back to their former practices and beliefs:

Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? (Galatians 4:8-9)

That is a good question: Once you have met and know Jesus how could you ever turn your back on him? Once you have tasted that love and walked in the richness of his fellowship, how could you ever be tempted by anything ever again? Unfortunately it is not that difficult to do.

It's not that people stop believing Jesus, it's just that they stop having time for him. Like the beginning of any affair in a marriage, it starts by not spending time with the object of your affection.. It's not that the love disappears, it simply starts fading a bit, gets weaker and the bond between the two people loosen. After that it doesn't take much to grab our attention and steal our heart away. We stop spending time with Jesus, get busy with other things, fill our head and heart with other notions, and before we know it we have another lover and we are lost to our first love.

It is unbelievable how weak we are with relationships. Those that don't fade and eventually break, stay together out of fear of not being together, but it has nothing to do with love. The relationship is still cold and broken. There is no life to it, no flame of passion. This too can describe us with Jesus. We are still loyal to him but we really don't feel anything. We serve but it is more out of duty or fear than it is out of a loving and thankful heart. It is in this state that we start up with a secret lover or two. We fall back into what we were familiar with and mask it in religion. It is a sad thing being trapped in a loveless marriage.

Praise be to God that there is no reason to stay in that state. You can rekindle that love by discovering the real Jesus all over again. Throw off everything that has entangled you, give those other lovers the boot, throw open the windows of your heart and be honest with Jesus. Confess the hidden things to him and allow him to start with you all over again. You don't need to hold on to those useless things, ideas, practices, rituals, anything you have come to depend on. The only dependency you should have is on Jesus, the true lover of your soul. He must be your everything or he will become nothing to you.

Examine your relationship with him again. Is he less important to you than he was in the beginning? Is there anything you would rather do than spend time with him? Are there things other than Kingdom things that are your motivation in life? What are the first things you consider when you go to make a decision? How much of your day involves Jesus? Is he your reason for everything or is he something you do when you can fit him in? Is your relationship as strong as it was or is it beginning to fade? Are you primed for an affair with your former life? Are you being attracted to other things? Well do something about it today. Don't put it off. Tomorrow could be too late for you. Ask Jesus for forgiveness and allow him to lead you back to health.

What happened to that one honest friend you had? Is she just a fading memory now; a well appreciate shadow from your past? Don't let Jesus become the same thing. You will never find a better lover, friend, champion, hero, companion and master than Jesus Christ. Hold on to him tightly and never let him go.

It Really Is A Joy To Be Alive And Free

Sometimes we get so involved in the living of our day that we forget to put it in the context of our life. Today may seem horrible and so we think we have a horrible life, but that is only how we feel for this moment. Last week we felt much different as the sun was shining, the birds were singing and everything was great for us. The same with 2 years ago and so on. We have had great days in the past and we will have great days in the future. This moment is just a brief thing that will pass because we have a great life. This is putting things in the context of our life.

We need to do this with God as well. Sometimes we get so caught up in our present-day struggle that we forget to put it in the context of his great plan. We have to remember that he created man to have a relationship with him. Man rebelled against him. God had a plan to bring man back into fellowship. He chose Abraham to be the beginning of a nation of priests through whom he would reveal his glory to the world. When this people had become a nation he gave them a law so that they would see how miserable we really are and gave them a system of sacrifices as a temporary way of administering his grace. But his plan was to raise up one priest who would become the one great sacrifice to cover man's sin so that God's grace would be available freely for those who wanted it. He sent Jesus to be that priest and revealed his great plan of redemption through him. Now today, anyone who believes is immediately covered by that one sacrifice and God adopts them as his children. It's a wonderful plan that should explain to us why the law was given and why it no longer applies to those who are covered by the grace of Jesus Christ:

Why, then, was the law given at all? It was added because of transgressions until the Seed to whom the promise referred had come. The law was given through angels and entrusted to a mediator. (Galatians 3:19)

Take note that it says "until the Seed to whom the promise referred had come". That seed is Jesus Christ. The Law was given because of man's sin. God needed a way to reveal sin to man so he would understand his condition. He gave them a temporary system of sacrifices to cover them as they realized their condition, because he knew that man could not live this law. When Jesus came, he fulfilled the law and replaced the system of sacrifices with his one sacrifice on the Cross. No sacrifice can save us but the one Jesus Christ did for us. Does that mean the law is now sinful? Not at all:

Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law. But Scripture has locked up everything under the control of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe. (vv. 21-22)

If any law could have saved us it would have been this law but we are too imperfect for this law; sin is too powerful in us. The only thing that can break our marriage to sin is the most ultimate, powerful sacrifice of Jesus. The power of what was done on the cross cannot even be fully understood this side of eternity, but we can see the effects of it.

Those who turn to Jesus are changed forever. The power of sin over them is broken. For the first time in their lives they have the ability to breathe, move about, make decisions and to respond to God. That is the freedom we have been given back through Jesus Christ. He breaks all sin that keeps us in bondage; violence, drunkenness, drugs, sex, pornography, thievery, lying, selfishness, and the list goes on. All these things we were enslaved to and they have kept us from God. The law showed us how far we had fallen short of God's glory, that we are not worthy to look on his face. But Jesus changed all of that so that we are washed clean, freed from those chains and now have the ability to look on God's face any time we want. We are his people, redeemed from our filth and adopted as his children.

This is the context in which we need to live our lives. This is the context that tells us our days are no longer miserable but are opportunities of God's grace. Each day is destined to be a day of victory. Each day is a day of revealing more of God's grace and love. Each day is a day closer to eternity. Each day is the potential of declaring more of God's glory to the world. This is our life and it is wonderful to live it in Jesus.

Something Worth Celebrating

What a beautiful day! To wake up to the reality of God's love and his presence can't help but put a song in our heart. He loves us! That is the reality in which we live; He loves us! And because he loves us we have nothing to fear or worry about. Apostle Paul put the truth of it quite simply when he wrote that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Try to name one thing that you think God's love is not strong enough to overcome. It has overcome sin and death so what little insignificant thing do you think is more powerful than sin and death?

Part of the problem we have is that we do not understand just how strong God's commitment is to us. If we consider it in legal terms, we all understand what a contract is. If I enter into a contract with some person or some company we have come into agreement with terms that spell out the responsibility and obligation of both sides to each other. No one can add to that contract and no one can take away from it. If either tries then there are consequences spelled out in the contract. This is how Apostle Paul explained it to the Galatians:

Brothers, let me take an example from everyday life. Just as no one can set aside or add to a human covenant that has been duly established, so it is in this case. The promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. The Scripture does not say “and to seeds,” meaning many people, but “and to your seed,” meaning one person, who is Christ. What I mean is this: The law, introduced 430 years later, does not set aside the covenant previously established by God and thus do away with the promise. For if the inheritance depends on the law, then it no longer depends on a promise; but God in his grace gave it to Abraham through a promise. (Galatians 3:15-18)

What God promised to Abraham he fulfilled in Jesus Christ and he signed that covenant with us in blood. There is no way that God is going to break that covenant because our God is not a man that he would say yes today and no tomorrow. Our God is the God of "yes" and "amen". He is the promise keeper, the Rock, the only one we can fully depend on. Come on now, he has even defeated sin and death to get to us with his love, so what is a little morning blues to that?

We need to find a way to get rid of our doubts, shake ourselves up, realize his love and purpose for us, and live in the grace and power of that love. We have no reason to face this day with fear or worry. We have no reason to feel defeated or overwhelmed. We have no reason to feel weary and burdened. We are loved by our faithful, loving, powerful God who has promised us all things. We have been told that whatever we need we only have to ask for it in the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. Through Jesus we have become the children of God and as children we have access to the throne.

The access I speak of is not revoked because of our unfaithfulness and sin. Are you kidding? God's grace is so amazing and so plentiful that when we sin grace is immediately applied as we repent. Look at Abraham. He was far from perfect. In fact there were times that he was a terrible man, giving up his wife to another man to save his own skin. But God's grace constantly covered Abraham and Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness.

Come on my friend, don't allow this spirit to stay on you. You are not defeated and you are not weak. You are a mighty warrior, victorious in all things because God is on your side. More than that, through the Holy Spirit in you, Jesus himself is with you today and in his authority all darkness is vanquished from your sight. You have no reason not to smile, laugh and enjoy this day. You are loved with a love that no force in all of creation or outside of creation can touch, disturb or destroy. You belong to the great Covenant Keeper and that is worth celebrating.