There is nothing worse than a tormented soul. Did you ever experience that as a child? You did something that you were forbidden to do. You lay in bed all night wondering, hoping, praying that your parents would never find out. Then you start imagining what will happen if they do. You toss and turn and find it impossible to sleep. Well it doesn't get any better as an adult when you worry about the possibility of things happening. It is not necessarily that you did something wrong but just things are not going right. It can cause people to do irrational things. King Saul was suffering from this.
He had done wrong and God's favour had departed from him. What made it worse was that he saw the blessing of the Lord on David. It is what he once possessed and he missed it. He was still a faithful king to his people but he had failed in his relationship with the Lord and he missed it. He saw how everything David did resulted in success and he became jealous. I can only imagine the sleepless nights he had, the irrational thinking, his sense of lose. He was tormented inside and there was no relief.
In such a condition irrational thinking takes over. We can see this in his rash and angry reaction to nothing in particular. It could have simply been the way David smiled at a serving girl or the way he laughed at Jonathan's jokes. It would not take much to set Saul off. It is a terrible condition and there is no need for it, especially in this age of grace in which we live.
Consider these teachings from Jesus:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:25-34)
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28-29)
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
If you are feeling anxious about anything, if you feel tormented in yourself, there is no need for it. Take it to Jesus and he will give you relief from it. It could be a simple thing like changing your perspective or providing you with the forgiveness you cannot find anywhere else. You need to trust him in a way that Saul was never able to. Go to him and present your need for healing. He will listen and I guarantee you that he will respond.