"I'm a man but I can change, if I have to, I guess." The man's pledge off the Red Green show says a lot about how we see men and fathers in society today. Men, if you are a bit confused about what is expected of you take courage that you are not alone. Society seems to be confused about a lot of things these days. They can't even decide what is a male or female so the fact that men are being kicked to the curb should not surprise us.
It has already been noted by many commentators that fathers are the most picked on position and relationship in society today. We are under attack in sitcoms, children's television shows, adult shows, novels and anywhere else possible. Moms are the intelligent super-hero-like character, with great wisdom; the protector of the family. Dads are portrayed as bumbling idiots who typify the great failings in a family, the one who usually leads them on misadventures. Even the beloved Berenstain Bears dad is the idiot and the mom is the rescuer. If kids are told this enough times guess what they are going to grow up believing.
It isn't just how we are portrayed but what is expected of us. Dads used to be the providers and protectors of the family. Together with mom they formed an incredible team, raising a balanced family. I know, it sounds like I am going back to the 50's and painting an ideal picture. There have always been imperfections, imbalances and abuses but nothing compared to today. The one thing everyone needs to accept is that dads play an important role in the family and need to be encouraged to fulfill that role. If we keep portraying poor dads, lowering our expectations, then that is exactly what will be produced.
What makes a good dad? One who portrays the character of Jesus in his daily living, in public as well as private. The foundation of a good father should be found in Matthew 22:
“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’" (v. 38-39)
The greatest thing a father can do for his children is teach and then demonstrate what the love of Jesus looks like. Anyone can get mad and take vengeance. Any father can punish his children. But it takes a real man of God to love as Jesus loves:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
This kind of selfless love can only come from a heart that is surrendered and dedicated to Jesus. It is only possible in a heart where the Holy Spirit has been given the freedom to work. It is only found in a heart where the owner knows and lives the truth that he has been crucified with Christ and no longer lives but Christ lives in him.
O praise God that we are nor reliant on this confused society to define the role of a father. Thankfully we have the example of our heavenly Father who defends, protects, and sacrifices for those he loves. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit to enable us to be the dads our children deserve even when we mess up from time to time. Thankfully ours is not a selfish love that depends on our children loving us. Yes, even in the face of rebellion from our children, we give ourselves to them, never give up on them, and long to see them safe, healthy and mature.
To the good dads, I salute you sirs for keeping your head when all around you people are losing theirs. Thank you for the great example you set in the face of the pressure of our society to change you. I encourage you to go deeper with Jesus so you can resist the storm.
To the failing dads, I say, it is never too late. With Jesus on your side you can turn this ship around and sail into the waters where you family desperately needs you to be. With Jesus your heart can be transformed from self-focused love to self-sacrificing love.
And too all the dad haters out there, I say, we love you anyway and you need us, even if you don't realize it.
May Yahweh bless all the dads today with the wisdom to know how important they are and what their role truly is in their family.
Showing posts with label fathers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fathers. Show all posts
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
The Unquestionable Importance Of Godly Fathers
Fathers have an awesome responsibility that needs to be taken seriously. Perhaps this is why the enemy seems to be so bent on discouraging fathers, so they will not walk in their responsibilities. It doesn't take much to discourage a father because the task is a big one and this is why they need all the encouragement possible. This is why they need a supportive and encouraging wife.
I am a fortunate and rich man because of my wife. She never takes away from me but constantly adds to me, equipping me to be a better father. She gently points out from time to time little things I may have overlooked and often it is in those small details that they greatest parts of the responsibilities lie.
Fathers are encouragers, supporters, enablers, life coaches. Yet they are so much more. They are an example of true manliness to their sons and daughters. How they treat their wife sets the tone for their sons and seeds into their daughter the kind of husband they should seek.
Fathers have the tremendous responsibility to demonstrate Jesus to his children and to be the spiritual leader over the family. He sets the example of holiness, dedication, service, fortitude, perseverance, determination, faithfulness and faith. His children will measure good and evil by this example and how they seek a relationship with Jesus will spring from this, because a father must disciple his children.
Fathers are also correctors which is something the enemy is definitely trying to guilt fathers out of because if fathers don't correct, the enemy can do what he wants. Correction is something we all face, must learn how to accept, and how to grow from it. Fathers must accept this responsibility because if we don't, we risk raising children like the sons of Eli.
Eli knew what his sons were doing and he spoke with them about it:
“Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. No, my sons! For it is not a good report that I hear. You make the Lord’s people transgress. If one man sins against another, God will judge him. But if a man sins against the Lord, who will intercede for him?” (1 Samuel 2:23-25)
Samuel spoke with them but sometimes words don't work. Sometimes when Yahweh corrects us he speaks to us through his Word and other people. But when we do not listen, he will use hardships to bring correction. Not my opinion, it is the Word that tells us so. (Hebrews 12) Eli should have removed his sons to save their lives. He should have corrected them for the sake of them, the family and the people of Israel. But he didn't. Even though he was aware of what they were doing he left them in their responsibilities. It resulted in the death of all of them and ushered in a difficult period for Israel.
A father's correction does not bring death but life. The discipline you apply today could save your child's life tomorrow. More importantly, that correction could keep them from spiritual death. It is not easy for a father to correct from the motivation of love. Often we resent being put in that position and even become angry. So we either avoid correction or over correct in anger. We need to correct with the perspective of our Father, for the benefit of our children.
It is not easy being a father and the responsibility can feel heavy at times. I should know, having eleven children of my own. I know what it is to feel like a complete failure and to be a complete failure. I know what it is to look at situations and problems that I have created by not standing in my responsibility. I own my mistakes but I also surrender my mistakes to the One who brings healing and restoration. Fathers, we are not alone in our tasks. If we seek the Lord he will give us wisdom. We are told to ask for it and believe that we have received it. Let the motivation of everything we do be love, including correction, and our children will call us blessed in our old age. Our children need their fathers and the Lord is asking us to stand in our responsibilities. Will you stand?
I am a fortunate and rich man because of my wife. She never takes away from me but constantly adds to me, equipping me to be a better father. She gently points out from time to time little things I may have overlooked and often it is in those small details that they greatest parts of the responsibilities lie.
Fathers are encouragers, supporters, enablers, life coaches. Yet they are so much more. They are an example of true manliness to their sons and daughters. How they treat their wife sets the tone for their sons and seeds into their daughter the kind of husband they should seek.
Fathers have the tremendous responsibility to demonstrate Jesus to his children and to be the spiritual leader over the family. He sets the example of holiness, dedication, service, fortitude, perseverance, determination, faithfulness and faith. His children will measure good and evil by this example and how they seek a relationship with Jesus will spring from this, because a father must disciple his children.
Fathers are also correctors which is something the enemy is definitely trying to guilt fathers out of because if fathers don't correct, the enemy can do what he wants. Correction is something we all face, must learn how to accept, and how to grow from it. Fathers must accept this responsibility because if we don't, we risk raising children like the sons of Eli.
Eli knew what his sons were doing and he spoke with them about it:
“Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. No, my sons! For it is not a good report that I hear. You make the Lord’s people transgress. If one man sins against another, God will judge him. But if a man sins against the Lord, who will intercede for him?” (1 Samuel 2:23-25)
Samuel spoke with them but sometimes words don't work. Sometimes when Yahweh corrects us he speaks to us through his Word and other people. But when we do not listen, he will use hardships to bring correction. Not my opinion, it is the Word that tells us so. (Hebrews 12) Eli should have removed his sons to save their lives. He should have corrected them for the sake of them, the family and the people of Israel. But he didn't. Even though he was aware of what they were doing he left them in their responsibilities. It resulted in the death of all of them and ushered in a difficult period for Israel.
A father's correction does not bring death but life. The discipline you apply today could save your child's life tomorrow. More importantly, that correction could keep them from spiritual death. It is not easy for a father to correct from the motivation of love. Often we resent being put in that position and even become angry. So we either avoid correction or over correct in anger. We need to correct with the perspective of our Father, for the benefit of our children.
It is not easy being a father and the responsibility can feel heavy at times. I should know, having eleven children of my own. I know what it is to feel like a complete failure and to be a complete failure. I know what it is to look at situations and problems that I have created by not standing in my responsibility. I own my mistakes but I also surrender my mistakes to the One who brings healing and restoration. Fathers, we are not alone in our tasks. If we seek the Lord he will give us wisdom. We are told to ask for it and believe that we have received it. Let the motivation of everything we do be love, including correction, and our children will call us blessed in our old age. Our children need their fathers and the Lord is asking us to stand in our responsibilities. Will you stand?
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Sometimes Life Sucks. For A Reason
One of the hard things for Christians to understand is when we face difficult times. If Yahweh is as loving as he says he is why is it that we go through some of the tings we go through? Why does he let my heart get broken? Why can't I find a job? Why can't I seem to pay my bills? Why does everything always seem to be so hard? Sometimes we would rather see Yahweh as a Santa Claus than as a father.
Father's have the responsibility to raise their children by training them for life and eternity. We are not babysitters who just have to entertain the kids until someone else takes them off our hands. We have to train them the best we can so that when they move out on their own they are as prepared as possible to deal with the world. It means we cannot raise spoiled children and there is a lot of hard lessons in the training. But it is better to learn those lessons in the protection of a loving family than alone in a cruel world. Our heavenly Father has the same responsibility, only his preparation and training is for our eternity.
Hebrews 12 has a lot to say on this subject:
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. (Hebrews 12:7-8)
Our fathers here disciplined us as best they knew how, not because they were cruel, but so that we would grow up right and ready for the world. How much better is our heavenly Father's discipline:
They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (vs. 10-11)
We see a perfect example of Yahweh's correcting and training techniques with Israel, when he brought them out of Egypt. Everything they went through was arranged and it was for their benefit even though it seemed like hardship at the time:
And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. (Deuteronomy 8:2)
The purpose was to humble them, making them dependent on him, and to test them, to see if they would obey because obedience would be important for the centuries ahead. And this is how he trained them and how he provided:
So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you. (vs. 3-5)
They faced some hard lessons but the generation that left the desert was the most powerful, obedient, and dedicated generation of Israelites who ever lived. Those hardships brought them into an incredible relationship with Yahweh that allowed them to have confidence to defeat nations through their obedience, living by every word that proceeded from the mouth of the LORD. This is exactly where the LORD wants us to be: dependent, obedient and powerful. But it takes training and discipline.
Yahweh has a purpose for everything we face and those things that we have caused by our own foolishness he will use for our benefit as well. Our part in everything we face is to face it in the joy of the Lord, with confidence, hope and trust. Our part is to listen and obey in love. No matter what it is you are in the midst of right now, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified or discouraged because the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
Father's have the responsibility to raise their children by training them for life and eternity. We are not babysitters who just have to entertain the kids until someone else takes them off our hands. We have to train them the best we can so that when they move out on their own they are as prepared as possible to deal with the world. It means we cannot raise spoiled children and there is a lot of hard lessons in the training. But it is better to learn those lessons in the protection of a loving family than alone in a cruel world. Our heavenly Father has the same responsibility, only his preparation and training is for our eternity.
Hebrews 12 has a lot to say on this subject:
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. (Hebrews 12:7-8)
Our fathers here disciplined us as best they knew how, not because they were cruel, but so that we would grow up right and ready for the world. How much better is our heavenly Father's discipline:
They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (vs. 10-11)
We see a perfect example of Yahweh's correcting and training techniques with Israel, when he brought them out of Egypt. Everything they went through was arranged and it was for their benefit even though it seemed like hardship at the time:
And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. (Deuteronomy 8:2)
The purpose was to humble them, making them dependent on him, and to test them, to see if they would obey because obedience would be important for the centuries ahead. And this is how he trained them and how he provided:
So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you. (vs. 3-5)
They faced some hard lessons but the generation that left the desert was the most powerful, obedient, and dedicated generation of Israelites who ever lived. Those hardships brought them into an incredible relationship with Yahweh that allowed them to have confidence to defeat nations through their obedience, living by every word that proceeded from the mouth of the LORD. This is exactly where the LORD wants us to be: dependent, obedient and powerful. But it takes training and discipline.
Yahweh has a purpose for everything we face and those things that we have caused by our own foolishness he will use for our benefit as well. Our part in everything we face is to face it in the joy of the Lord, with confidence, hope and trust. Our part is to listen and obey in love. No matter what it is you are in the midst of right now, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified or discouraged because the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Inconsistancy Of Love Exasperates A Child
We tend to point out to children that the Word says they must be obedient to their parents and that they must honour them. However, the Word has something to say to parents as well, especially fathers. It is not a "free for all" for parents. They don't get to do whatever they want. They have the huge responsibility to love their children and to train them in God's ways. Neither of those things are easy when you are trying to balance a busy life. I will stop myself here. No excuses. I want to address this:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
How does a father exasperate a child? Unfairness. Decisions based on selfishness. Inconsistency. I think the latter must be the most exasperating for a child, when the rules keep changing or promises are not kept. The reason this happens is because dad's don't have a plan; they parent by the seat of their pants; they hand over all parenting responsibility to their wife; they try not to get involved unless it is a real emergency situation; they rule the house like a king or dictator.
Ever notice this is addressed to fathers and not mothers? The spiritual welfare of the family is the father's responsibility. Fathers are responsible to see that their children grow into well-balanced, mature, Christ following men and women. They must instruct their children. They must teach them, by word and example, God's Word.
Can I say, some of these lessons are taught in failure?
What exasperates a child is the falsehood of a father; the façade of perfection; the failure to admit mistakes; the lack of repentance. There is inconsistency in what we teach (if we teach) and what we live. Our children need to see how we handle failure. They need to see that even though we are far from perfect God sees us as holy and blameless. They need to understand that we deal with mistakes and imperfections and not hide them behind an act of strength. Read this again, God's instructions on training children:
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. (Deuteronomy 11:18-21)
The greatest lessons are not taught in Sunday School but in the everyday living of the parents, as they train, teach, instruct their children as they live life.
Children need to be trained by fathers, taught by them; not just the words but how to put those words into action. They need to see love in action as fathers humble themselves to help and pray for their enemy. They need to see fathers ask forgiveness when mistakes are made. They need to see and understand what it is to stand your ground and defend those God has given you to defend. They need to see fathers be honest so Jesus can be glorified in their weakness. They need to see their fathers be consistent in their service to Jesus and consistent in their training of their children.
When we fail as fathers we cannot allow that failure to define us or cripple us. We are not perfect and our imperfections cannot be allowed to destroy our strength, which is our dependency on Jesus Christ. Even though our children may turn against us we must realize our innocence before God, take up our responsibility and press forward as this is a new day. Yesterday we may have failed but we stand blameless before the Lord today and as such we must take up our responsibilities to defend, protect, instruct and love our children.
Maybe that is the greatest lesson we can teach our children; to press on in the aftermath of failure; to trust the love of God; to trust the forgiveness of Jesus.
The responsibility of a father is huge but that is no excuse to hide from it. The responsibility is daunting but that is no excuse to shirk it off onto someone else. The responsibility requires total commitment but that is no excuse for being spotty and inconsistent in the application of that commitment. Our children need us to love them with consistency more now in this dark age than ever before. Even when they exasperate you they are still looking for you to love them unconditionally. Fathers, make sure you do not exasperate them in your lack of love.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
How does a father exasperate a child? Unfairness. Decisions based on selfishness. Inconsistency. I think the latter must be the most exasperating for a child, when the rules keep changing or promises are not kept. The reason this happens is because dad's don't have a plan; they parent by the seat of their pants; they hand over all parenting responsibility to their wife; they try not to get involved unless it is a real emergency situation; they rule the house like a king or dictator.
Ever notice this is addressed to fathers and not mothers? The spiritual welfare of the family is the father's responsibility. Fathers are responsible to see that their children grow into well-balanced, mature, Christ following men and women. They must instruct their children. They must teach them, by word and example, God's Word.
Can I say, some of these lessons are taught in failure?
What exasperates a child is the falsehood of a father; the façade of perfection; the failure to admit mistakes; the lack of repentance. There is inconsistency in what we teach (if we teach) and what we live. Our children need to see how we handle failure. They need to see that even though we are far from perfect God sees us as holy and blameless. They need to understand that we deal with mistakes and imperfections and not hide them behind an act of strength. Read this again, God's instructions on training children:
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. (Deuteronomy 11:18-21)
The greatest lessons are not taught in Sunday School but in the everyday living of the parents, as they train, teach, instruct their children as they live life.
Children need to be trained by fathers, taught by them; not just the words but how to put those words into action. They need to see love in action as fathers humble themselves to help and pray for their enemy. They need to see fathers ask forgiveness when mistakes are made. They need to see and understand what it is to stand your ground and defend those God has given you to defend. They need to see fathers be honest so Jesus can be glorified in their weakness. They need to see their fathers be consistent in their service to Jesus and consistent in their training of their children.
When we fail as fathers we cannot allow that failure to define us or cripple us. We are not perfect and our imperfections cannot be allowed to destroy our strength, which is our dependency on Jesus Christ. Even though our children may turn against us we must realize our innocence before God, take up our responsibility and press forward as this is a new day. Yesterday we may have failed but we stand blameless before the Lord today and as such we must take up our responsibilities to defend, protect, instruct and love our children.
Maybe that is the greatest lesson we can teach our children; to press on in the aftermath of failure; to trust the love of God; to trust the forgiveness of Jesus.
The responsibility of a father is huge but that is no excuse to hide from it. The responsibility is daunting but that is no excuse to shirk it off onto someone else. The responsibility requires total commitment but that is no excuse for being spotty and inconsistent in the application of that commitment. Our children need us to love them with consistency more now in this dark age than ever before. Even when they exasperate you they are still looking for you to love them unconditionally. Fathers, make sure you do not exasperate them in your lack of love.
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