Why We All Need Friends

The one thing that most people are desperate to possess is good friends. It is the reason television shows like "Friends" and "Big Bang Theory" are so popular and even attract Christians to be entertained by sin, because they depict the friendships we long to have. The fact is we need friends because we are not meant to be alone. We were created with the need for family and community.

In Corinthians 12 we find the vision of the Church, the Body of Christ. Not a thing divided but something of beauty with unity at its core. It is described as the many parts of the body, dependent on each other in order to function. We need each other because none of us possess everything we need. Friends, family, fellow believers lend of themselves to us and we lend of ourselves to them. When Jesus is the central figure of all relationships beautiful things are produced.

It doesn't mean that all friendships will be smooth. Even that truth is reflected in the crude humour of television shows, but when Jesus is at the center of it all, it is his love that glues us together. That is why apostle Paul goes from 1 Corinthians 12 to 1 Corinthians 13, because unity of the Body is only possible by the love of Jesus. We just don't have that right type of love to keep it going because in the natural we are abusers of people. We take what we want and we give very little back. When Jesus has authority in the relationship, be it friendship, family or marriage, service to one another is the foundation.

There is a tiny passage in Scriptures that has always stood out for me as a reminder of the importance of friendship. It was during the time of judges when everyone was doing what they thought was best; a time when Yahweh was only considered in hard times. We read:

So the five men departed and went to Laish. They saw the people who were there, how they dwelt safely, in the manner of the Sidonians, quiet and secure. There were no rulers in the land who might put them to shame for anything. They were far from the Sidonians, and they had no ties with anyone. (Judges 18:7)

Laish was a quiet, peaceful city with no close neighbours. They kept to themselves and never bothered anyone. What stands out is that they had no ties with anyone. It reflects a lot of attitudes I see today, people keeping people at a distance. They don't want anyone involved in their business and they don't bother with anyone else's. Live and let live. This city also had no rulers, no one to correct them, no one to whom to be accountable. And, as it turned out, no one to help them when they needed help. They were easy targets and easy to defeat, as are so many Christians today who do not understand the importance of the Body, of friendship, of accountability.

Friends protect us, even if that protection comes in the form of correction. We hear the slogans "Friends don't let friends drive drunk", but what if the drunk has no friends, no one who cares enough to say no? What about us? Some people see independence as a strong character but such independence makes a person weak, vulnerable, easy to defeat. We need friends with whom we can be honest. We need to be vulnerable and open to people who trust us and who we can trust. We need friends who put Jesus at the center of the relationship. We need friends who have our back and who we love enough to protect with our life if need be.

We were not created to be an island, to live in isolation, to be without accountability. We were created for the purpose of others, for community, for family. The Body of Christ is not a community as much as it is family. Many used to call themselves "brother" and "sister" as a reminder of that relationship. Such an attitude is not always easy but it needs to be important enough for us to work at it. Scripture says that friendship with the world will lead to our spiritual and eternal death so we need to look to our fellow believers and start building alliances before the enemy picks us off as an easy target. You can't sit back and wait for people to come to you. You need to step out and offer your hand in friendship and start building good alliances with Jesus at the center of it all.

Of Friends And Enemies

The world says "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I hope your values come from a deeper place than that. I hope that your love for your friends come from a greater source. And I hope that your motivation for your enemies is much less selfish than this philosophy. But seriously, have you considered your friends lately? Are they friends because they contribute to you, because you get something from them, or because you have much to give to them? That is not saying that they don't contribute to you. In fact, it is God's desire that we contribute to each other from the resources he provides. But friendship cannot be a selfish thing.

I am not sure we really understand friendship like we once did. I could be wrong. Maybe you have friends who you love to give yourself to and who you would dearly miss if they were not around. If you have such friends then enjoy them while they are close because you may have times of separation when you will reflect on these times with fond memories, and they will be a source of encouragement. That is the sense I get as Paul writes to Timothy:

Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. (2 Timothy 1:4)

We can understand Paul's expression of longing for his friend when you keep in mind his situation. He had been cut off for a few years as he sat, imprisoned in Rome, waiting for his trial before Caesar. On top of this there had been a falling away of leadership. We read:

You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes. (2 Timothy 1:15)

At the end of the letter we read:

Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. (2 Timothy 4:9-10)

We will look at all this in detail later. It is enough to know that Paul was feeling alone and abandoned by those who he had trusted as brothers. Is it any wonder that he longed to see his friend, his son in the Lord, Timothy? He remembered the tears of his friend when they last parted. How hard it must have been for Paul who had given up everything in obedience to Jesus.

I don't think many of us can appreciate this sense of separation from those we love. Certainly there are times when we are separated from family and friends but we know we will see each other again. Perhaps the ones who can identify with Paul the most are those who leave family and friends to serve the Lord in dangerous places in this world. They leave all they know behind and have no assurance they will ever make it back. Try to imagine that feeling.

My point is, many of us do not have friends like this.We have friends but do we have friends who love us so much that there are tears at our parting? Do we give of ourselves to such a depth that they are like part of us? Do we think of those moments and feel that love, and long to have them close at hand? We should. That is the level of love and involvement that Jesus has brought us to, but it is our choice to let people in. We can be friends of sorts from a distance but real love risks pain and hurt. Real love is vulnerable and is prepared to be wounded. Real love takes it on the chin and refuses to keep a list.

Real love is a risk and friendship requires a vulnerability that many of us refuse to enter into. Perhaps it is the reason we are not very effective in sharing Jesus with others. We have to care enough to share. We have to love enough to take the risk. We have to love enough to open ourselves up to allow rejection. It is what Jesus did for us and then he commanded us to do the same for others.

Paul took that risk and in the end there were more `friends`who rejected him than who stood with him. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Where were all Jesus' "friends" as he hung on the cross? We must be friends to all people, investing our lives in others, taking the "risk" of complete rejection, and finding great joy in those who we have Jesus in common with. Take the risk,be a friend; it is well worth it.