Wednesday, October 1, 2008

A Little Matter Of Time

I have struggled over the issue of time since my early 20's. It is like a war taking place in me between the "doer" part of me and the "poet" part. Time is a friend to a poet but an enemy to a doer.

During my training years we were encouraged to consider "time management" books that taught how to squeeze the life out of every minute of my day. I resisted. I faught against such a notion. I saught after free moments when I could just sit and allow random thoughts run through my head. Yet, at the same time, I would walk past a store selling agendas and begin to drool.

My 4 year old daughter gave me some insight into how I am doing in this war. Here is the jist of the conversation:

Jenny: I am going to be smarter then you when I grow up.
Daddy: You are?
Jenny: Yes. I am going to spend time with my children. You don't do that. You don't do what you're suppose to do. When you have nothing to do you are suppose to spend time with us. When I grow up I am going to be smarter than you. I am going to spend time with my children.
Daddy: But Jenny, when do you ever see daddy have nothing to do?
Jenny: Never. You are always working. When I grow up I am going to be smarter than you.

I am losing the war.

2 comments:

Sinead Roy said...

It's amazing how strong that desire is within us - to take charge of our lifes, to be in control, even to serve God in the ways we consider best - and yet - we fail. Not just when we don't try, but even when we try our very best. A few years ago, I came to realise in a very deep way, what the sin nature within us really is. I had received Jesus as my Saviour when I was 18, and loved Him since with all my heart, but realised with horror that very significant day, that "all my heart" really wasn't much. My righteousness was like filthy rags to Him. The stark reality of this almost killed me. I felt like I was drowning. Every my very best, my most honourable intentions, to serve God with all my heart, was in some way, a horrible failure. How could I face such a holy God when I had nothing worhty to give. In desperation I cried out to Him again "save me, Lord". In the words of the old song; "all I had to offer was brokeness and strife". I had thought that was a salvation song, but realised that day, it is a "life" song. It never changes. But thank God for our Saviour. All I had to do was see the terrible truth, believe it, and cry out to Him to save me. His righteousness covered me, filling every molecule in my body, mind and soul. I was no longer "me". I was "me in Him". Everything changed that day.It was like being "born again", again. I still remain a sinner in my own nature, as long as I am in this body, as long as the Body is incomplete. I still lose many battles. But the war is over. We won.

"All I had to offer was brokeness and strife, but He made something beautiful of my life".

Michaela12 said...

thats funny with Jenni i never ever would say that...