It happened to me again yesterday.
Some of my children were over for a BBQ. We are a large family, twelve children and three grandchildren, and we very much love each other. But I come from a background of "quick whit" and "lightening fast sarcasm".
Several years ago the Spirit convicted me about this because it did not line up with Father's heart. This kind of humour targets people and often causes hurt. I thought it was just fun teasing and a sign of my affection. How wrong I was. So I repented and surrendered this to the Lord. I have seen a marked difference in my capacity to love people in a way that honours them.
Except for yesterday.
There was a bit of banter and teasing going on as usually happens between my children. Before I even realized what I was doing I entered in. Sure enough, within a few minutes I verbally poked one of my daughters, an intended teasing. The look on her face told me I had failed her.
In my teasing I had potentially exposed I private situation she was not prepared for the others to know about. No one picked up on it but I saw the betrayal written all over her face and my heart was broken. She quietly left the gathering and retreated inside.
I messed up. The Spirit nudged me with the clean up instructions. A humble apology was in order. Dad is very good at handing us the mop for us to clean up the mess we make. It is what he does instead of tearing us down. It is how we know it is him, because the enemy is also speaking at us, tearing us down and helping us feel useless and miserable. But Dad is for us. He lifts us up from the mess and then shows us what to do with the mess.
It's kind of like when a child breaks a neighbours window and his dad takes him over to apologize. Usually the dad is going to pay for it to be fixed but at the same time the child will also probably have to mow the neighbours lawn for a month, in the form of an apology but also to honour the neighbour.
So I found myself speaking with my daughter, apologizing. I told her that I realized what I had done and I was sorry for my thoughtlessness. I did my best to convey my love and to honour her. She's that important to me. She is an incredible person, full of insight, compassion, tenderness and a sensitivity to the needs of others. I was absolutely wrong to crush that in careless banter.
It's going to happen. No matter how much we desire to love and honour people we are going to mess up. Trust will be broken. Relationships will be damaged. But when it happens we cannot afford to ignore it because we struggle with humility, or with acknowledging we were wrong wrong. When we mess up Dad does not condemn us but he does give us a mop to clean it up. If we really are people who desire to honour and love people then we will accept that apologizing is part of this process.
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